I must put too many things on my lists. Lately it seems I can never quite accomplish all of the tasks at hand. (Which equals failure). For some reason my house is slowly but surely getting more and more unorganized and "unfinished". How did this happen? I mean, yeah, it happens to other people. Well, because they're not ME. I AM organized, I AM a cleaner, I have it pulled together. What is happening?
Maybe my kids are getting bigger and the hamster wheel keeps adding rungs to it. Maybe I am getting burned out. Sometimes I feel like I get lost in the shuffle of it all. The laundry (which I had completely done on Tuesday and today you can barely walk in the door), the mini projects of refinishing furniture, painting bedrooms, making the budgets (x 2, business and personal), paying bills, groceries...blah, blah, blah.
Does it really matter if my kitchen is cleaned after each meal? Because we eat about 5 sometimes 6 times a day in our house and it gets old. But I can't seem to do other things until it is cleaned. I have told my girls to pick something else to wear because I JUST WASHED THAT. Don't even get me started on my yard and gardens. For some reason the past few months the things that used to be smaller are very magnified. Almost so magnified they are claustrophobic. When I might miss a work out because I don't want to get up at 5 am because I went to bed at 1 am and was woken up 3 times during those four hours I feel like such a failure. When did I get so hard on myself? Is my "funness" deteriorating?
Don't get me wrong, I can still be fun. Wearing underwear on my head being "Queen of the Laundry" is my girls latest favorite. But that is kid fun. Yet it seems that the more things that get undone or piled for another day that never comes, the more I seem to go into paralysis. And it might not even be things that others can see. But it's the things that I know about. That dumb "junk drawer" by the back door in the kitchen. I hate junk drawers. No purpose but to waste your time riffling through a bunch of garbage that you don't hardly use anyway. Makes my ribs hurt. No really, they physically hurt knowing that upstairs waiting for me is not a quiet serene oasis of a master sweet. But a room with one dresser that we share because my other dresser is out in the garage awaiting a sanding and painting. Which means a side basket...or pile or two of clothes that have no home. Plus the rocking chair with our extra sheets and blankets stacked on them because well, we have no closests in our house. But I do have another dresser that will be very cute at the end of the top of the stairs to hold those sheets and blankets. But it too is in the garage waiting a sanding and a painting.
I am tired of these things that are like little flys buzzing around my head nipping at me. It's exhausting.
Well Lacy...YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! You just verbalized what I have been feeling. Unmotivated, paralyzed as the tasks grow and new ones come along and the first ones are still waiting. I'm trying to run a business raise 3 kids and manage my whole house, chores and all by myself. Oh ya and try to work out. I feel your pain. I don't know the answer but I know how you feel. Maria
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