It is finished.

Ok, this post is going to make me a little more vulnerable than I like (and probably long), but I am feeling like I need an outlet (and let's face it, this is much less personal than actually talking TO an actual person).

For the past several months I have been training for a marathon. It wasn't my first so that novelty wasn't there. Honestly, my initial thought was that it could help me lose some weight that my body refuses to give up (or maybe it is from the desserts I refuse to give up). So here comes 18 weeks of sacrificing time spent with family, Ben working extra hours, a cleaner house, a nicer yard, a bigger garden, and so on. But running gives me a rush. It is no question that it is a love/hate relationship. Many, many times I have to MAKE myself put on my shoes and get out there. I actually would rather lift weights every day than to run. But my attitude, my mental focus, my patience is all benefited from my running. Some how releasing those endorphins makes poor Ben able to tolerate my silly quirks a little easier, and my girls relax a little more. And the times I do get to run with my friends...well it is just great conversations that probably would never otherwise happen.

Another insight....I have issues with finishing. Really trying my best through out something. From beginning to end. I think (from all of my alone running thoughts) that it is for fear of giving it all I have and truly failing. How awful would that be? So some how, no matter what it is, I excuse my way to not giving 100% so it will justify the outcome (just in case it is not what I am hoping for).

In my training, 3 weeks before the race I was to run 22 miles. That was supposed to be my longest run and then taper down to the race. Well, I wasn't feeling well the night before, struggled with the decision and then talked with Maria (my running pal) and decided not to run with them on Saturday. In all honesty, I felt like that was the end right then. Then I started on my run and fell. Just a confirmation. A confirmation that I would not succeed. I ran only 15 that day icing my knee and hip. After that I didn't really run. I ran about 2 miles a week. (when I should have been at least 16-18 miles). Then I had stubbed my toe. I know, sounds silly, but it did bruise up (the next day Ben thought it might be broken, but it wasn't just really sore)...it hurt for just a couple days. (these would have the title of "EXCUSE").

Leaving for the race.

So Saturday was race day. We had to leave the house at 5 am to make our 7 am start. It is funny all of the complexities that travel through your mind at lightening speed. What to wear (don't want to be too hot or too cold, if something rubs wrong for the next 26.2 miles you will be in pain for the next week). What to eat (you want to have enough fuel, but not too much. Nothing that will hurt your stomach, but you have awhile before the race starts). Are my shoes tied right? Oh, no my timing chip doesn't have sticky on the back. Oh I need to pee, or throw up. How am I going to find my friends in 25 thousand people? I want Ben and the girls to see me at the start, how are they going to get there? Oh no the lady said to get out of the car. Don't cry yet, you need that sodium! Will I have time to make it to the start after the porta-potty lines? I don't want to get out of the car. Oh, few, there is Melia.

This is how I roll.

The race was fun. We all found each other at the start, which was relieving. The weather was GORGEOUS (a little too gorgeous for marathon running, I like it in the 50's, it got into the upper 70's). We ran, laughed, hooted at the bands when we ran by. Even sang Happy Birthday to a girl as we ran by. Got to see a bald eagle sitting on a tree branch right next to us!! Who gets to see that? "Man, mile 6 and I am already feeling a little tired." In our training runs of our extra long mileage (17 and 20 miles, not 18...that one I did not feel good), I always felt surprisingly good. "Oh no, mile 11 I have tingly face." When my body starts to tell me that it is done...I get tingly. Kind of like the chills, but on the inside. That is when I would normally pick up the pace and just push it to the finish. But I am only at mile 11!!!! As I waved my friends to go on, I watched them and thought, "Ugh, they keep getting farther and farther away."

Rowyn cheering with the sign she made for me.

So the next 15 miles I ran by myself...with 25,000 other people. That's ok, I kept telling myself. I have ran other races by myself...even my first marathon. Oh, my first marathon.

1-20 felt awesome. 20.01-26.2 felt like hell on earth. Through out these past 18 weeks those last 6 miles of that first marathon haunted me. I just kept telling myself to keep moving...and pushed those thoughts that kept creeping up, aside. "At least I am not like that," I would tell myself looking at the girl laying on the road with paramedics. Have I mentioned I hate running out-and-backs? My mind can't handle it, knowing I have to run all of this AGAIN. Did I mention there were THREE on this course? Nice.

Reese (my sweetness) waiting for Momma to come to the finish.

As time goes on I have waves of encouraging thoughts, "Uh, mile 24 and I am not crying hardly walking...I am running. That is better than the last marathon." Then waves of not so encouraging thoughts, "My friends are so far ahead of me!!!"

So I round down into the city where all of the people are cheering...that feels cool, like you are a real runner. Turn the corner to the shoot, looking for Ben and the girls (Ben always has strict instructions..."SEE ME AT THE FINISH LINE."). "Ok, focus on the finish. Faster, faster, get as far away from the tall skinny man who is speed walking as you can so he is not in your pictures swinging those hips." AHHHHH I finish.

Not a sense of accomplishment, or feeling of pride do I feel. Besides the utter physical pain of every joint, nook, and cranny in my body; I am embarrassed...ashamed. Those are not tears of joy that I am shedding hunched over trying not to faint, but tears that I was 20 minutes behind the other girls. I knocked 36 minutes off my first marathon time, I try to keep reminding myself that. Yet, that still makes me 20 minutes slower than my goal not to mention 20 minutes behind my friends. People say, "Yeah but you ran a MARATHON." Yeah, but I am disappointed. Maybe this is the disappointment I have needed to make me really try...or is it just the confirmation I need to not put 100% into something because then this would REALLY be hurtful.

So now I recover. Physically I am so sore. I apparently was not using proper form as my shoulders feel like boulders. My legs and hips I expect to hurt, even when not using them. I am hoping to only lose one toenail and not three! Mentally, I vacillate. That seems to be harder for me. The mental part. Challenge myself for something greater than the physical accomplishment of a marathon, the mental capacity to follow through 100%, train hard, and then see what happens. Or stick to half marathons. Less time consuming for training, and I can walk after I am done with those. We'll see in a month or two. After the finish.

Marathon Weekend

So Saturday I will be running the Inaugural Rock-N-Roll Seattle Marathon. Pretty fun stuff. This race has live, local bands playing every mile. I was feeling good about my training until the weekend of my 22 mile run. I was sick the night before so I pushed it back a day and decided to go it alone. (That in it's self can sometimes be daunting.) I started my run and at mile two, I fell. Discouraged, bloody, and dirty I continued to run. Ben found me at mile 5 and I fought to hold back the tears. Good thing he found me before my pit stop, I had used all of my water to rinse off from my fall. I only ran 15 that day. That was three weeks ago. After that, I just kind of shut down. Hardly ran if at all.

So needless to say, I am more than nervous. This is only my second full marathon. My first one I crashed so hard those last 6 miles...that is all I can think about...those last 6.2. (I ran the first 20 in 3:30 and the last 6.2 took me 2 hours.

Yesterday was packet pick up!! You get to go and pick up your race number, timing chip, goodie bag and tons of booths with free little samples of stuff. Maria and I went together with 5 kids ages 1-8. As tired as I am from yesterday, the kids were pretty good.

Reese getting a Rock-n-Roll tattoo.

Rowyn getting her tattoo.

The girls made signs to cheer us on at the race.

Maria and I got to the car, putting the kids in and realized we didn't have one picture of US the runners!! So Easton leaned over the back and took one of us in the parking garage.

Rowyn's first Recital

Rowyn's first dance recital was Saturday. Bless her heart it had been a long week. They had rehearsal in the morning and her recital was in the afternoon. She was a hound dog in Peter and the Wolf, and a teddy bear in Little Red Riding hood. She was excited for her special day. I was nervous for her. She is more shy than Reese. Rowyn knew each dance very well, and was one of the best in her class. But I saw at rehearsals, you put her in front of people and she gets a little embarrassed. Once we had them all lined up back stage to go on she turned to me and wanted me to hold her. I knelt down and gave her a little reassurance and told her to just have fun. (I was pretty lucky too. Most mom's didn't even get to stay down stairs in the dressing rooms with their kids. But I got to do that and usher them up to the stage and watch from back stage.) Her first dance was ballet, hound dogs. She just stood there, literally. Then when it was time to go off the stage, she just stood there. Eventually she slowly walked off the way she had come on. Poor thing, my heart broke for her. Then it was tap, teddy bears. When she did this one normally she is sooooo cute because she shakes her hips....cute. Well, she got on and didn't do too much on that one either. But I was and I am proud that she did it. As she came off the stage I asked her, you want to do it again?" She said, "No, I just wanna do soccer." Made me smile. She is so sweet.

Rowyn walking to The Pantages Theater.

Little Hound dog waiting to go on stage.

Rowyn and a friend watching the other acts at rehearsal.

Strike a pose teddy bear!

Reese's first dance recital

Friday night was Reese's first ballet recital. She was so excited. It was at The Pantages theater in Tacoma. Kind of a big theater. Thursday night we had gone to the theater and had rehearsal. I was thinking she's gonna go on stage and stand there and then some how be gathered up to get off the stage. She always amazes me. As we are standing backstage int he darkness I squatted down next to her. She looks at me with those big dark eyes, "Momma, I just essited." I squeezed her and gave her a kiss. She was a balloon (the theme was The Carnival). There were only three of them. Reese led the line out on the stage, hands on her hips "skipping" (galloping really). They went in their circle and eventually sat down. A clown pointed at her and she stood up and did her pirouette, "skipped" around the stage and sat back down. The clown handed her her balloon. Then each of the other girls did theirs and they skipped off the stage. I was so proud. She was so giddy. I asked her if she wanted to do that again. She said, "Yes, right now??" Looks like we might have a little performer in our midst.

Reese taking her bag to the theater. She was very excited to carry her own bag like she was a big performer.

Reese and her teacher Miss Amber. The greatest teacher ever!

I had to cry a little that we weren't able to get any pictures of her actually on stage. But I will never forget that excitement she had. I am so proud of her!!!

Check out what my husband bought me!!!!

We have a very large yard. I love it. I do the mowing. Not because Ben can't or wouldn't. Mostly because I figure I can do that and when Ben is home I would rather him do the things I can't...like fence building, shed rebuilding, busting out walls and adding wood stoves, river rocking, etc. I have been using the mower that came with this house. Which had worked. But the past month the self propel had gone out and then one wheel wouldn't turn. (not the wheel that kept falling off of course). We had used a riding mower on the lawn a couple times and I just didn't like the unevenness of it. Our yard slopes and slants and dips every where. So I like to push to get more control. Well it was taking me about 4 hours if I cut every 4 days and didn't let it get too long. This machine is amazing!! Swivel front wheels to get around all of my flower beds and fruit trees, the self propel is self paced so how ever fast I go is how fast it goes, and it is so light. I love it!! Best Husband EVER!!!

Goin' to see Nana

We have family that lives down in Texas and New Mexico. So it is not very often that we get to see them. My girls only being 2 and 4 haven't even met all of their great aunts and great uncles or cousins. They have a Nana that they haven't met yet. But that doesn't mean they don't know who these people are. I try to make sure they know about all of their family. Ben and I want the girls to know that family is something special. We look out for each other, support each other and love each other like no one else can. (They also like geography, so we get on the globe and point out where different people live.)

The girls have been blessed to have gotten to meet one of their Nana's. They think she is pretty special.

Grammi mentioned a couple days ago about trying to fly down to New Mexico in November for a visit. Well you don't mention something like that to my girls with the never ending memory. So they have been asking to "fly to New Mexico to see my Nana." I told them well, we have to save our money and see if we can save enough for tickets. My girls being...my girls they got out a money jar.

They started decorating a label for it.

Rowyn even put some of her money in it to get it started. They are pretty excited. Hopefully we will be able to go and even get to meet Nana Cheddy! Visiting with family is priceless so we cherish each time we can get together even though the times seem so few and far between.

Maritime Festival

Every year Gig Harbor had the Maritime Festival. Parades, Games, bands, blessing of the fleets, and boat races. Aunt Lisa invited us with her. She lives close so we parked at her house and walked down the hill to the water. FUN! It took the girls a little bit to warm up to the parade. The theme was pirates so needless to say some were a little intimidating. Never mind the fact that they would throw candy AT you. I think Reese got hit in the head one time. But we had fun! The girls got to decorate a tile. Reese did a shark and Rowyn did an octopus.








We ate ice cream.

The girls were so tired. Fun day.

New Kittens!!

We have four new baby kittens!!! We thought they were gone because we have had a killer feral cat that has injured two of our cats and one is gone. So we thought he had got Elle's baby's. One night Ben went out to the barn and heard a noise and climbed up this ladder. Up at the top of the barn was Elle and her four. Elle is not a real lovey-dovey cat so I climbed up and took them down one by one. They're all pretty sweet. The white and black one we named MO, because GrammO wants that one. The white and grey is Lola. She is sweet and shy. The all black Rowyn named Backella. (I have no idea) The all grey we named Henry...which may be changed to Ava. When I brought the grey one down from the barn Reese said "Oh it's Jack! Hi Jackers." Jack is the cat that has been missing for a month and a half now. He was a great cat. So we have to keep the grey one. So not sure about Backella and Lola. But for now, they are having fun loving on all the kids and other animals!MO chillin' on BenBackella eating Ben's jeans.Lola is always drawn to Addie. She even climbs on her and plays with her tail.

Sweet Addie looks after the kittens.

Catching Tadpoles

So one of the things the girls LOVE to do now is catch tadpoles that are in the sheep water. At some point everyday they will be up there at the trough. They have even caught some and given them as gifts...only earlier in the season Poor Grandma Barbara got some mosquito larvae instead of tadpoles. Bless her heart she had even kept them. The girls were having a hard time telling the difference between the two. Now that the tadpoles are bigger Rowyn can see the difference now.

Washingtons State animal....

Planting our carrots, squash, zukes, and cukes.

SLUG!! I think the entire Washington State Population of Slugs are born and raised in our yard. We were working in the garden and Rowyn came across a massive amount of slugs. So Reese took the clippers and cut one right in half. I'm not sure if I should be proud or disturbed. So they each took a turn cutting the gooey things. Hopefully the other slugs will learn to stay away from that Orser garden!

A little alone time

Every once in a while the girls get a little one on one time. Rowyn wanted to go to work with Ben. Actually they both wanted to. Poor crying Reese had to stay home with Mom. Well we made the day fun. We had just gone and visited some family over in Seattle, so she wanted to go to Seattle and blow bubbles. Well her words were, "Go Seattle and blow bubbles and let alllll (hands going in a circle) da peoples touch my bubbles." Meaning her cousins could pop them. Pretty sweet. So we went and got a bubble machine. (Great invention) Then we planted some hanging baskets.

Trying to catch the bubbles.

She is VERY independent, so she got the dirt herself.

"Dis is alot of duht mom." (head nodding)

She watered them before we hung them up.